I remember those early nights of motherhood like they were yesterday. Sitting in the dark, cradling a baby who would only sleep for 40 minutes at a time, I thought something must be wrong. Everyone around me seemed to have babies who “slept through.” Meanwhile, I was drowning in advice: swaddle tighter, put her down drowsy but awake, don’t cuddle too much or she’ll form “bad habits.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s the reality every mum deserves to know: your baby isn’t broken, and you’re not doing it wrong. Baby sleep is different to adult sleep, and understanding the biology behind it can ease the pressure, calm the guilt, and maybe even bring you a little more rest.
Why Baby Sleep Looks Different
One of the biggest myths about infant sleep is that babies should sleep long stretches like adults do. In reality, babies are born with very different sleep cycles. Their sleep is lighter, shorter, and more frequent. That’s not a flaw, it’s biology.
Babies wake often because they need to feed, because their brains are developing at lightning speed, and because they’re designed to be close to us. When we stop comparing baby sleep to adult sleep, we can start meeting our little ones where they’re at and give ourselves a lot more grace.
The Problem with Strict Schedules
Strict baby sleep schedules didn’t come from biology, but from culture and convenience. During industrialisation, adults’ lives became more regimented, and so did parenting advice. Manuals told parents to feed and settle babies by the clock, not by need.
But babies aren’t machines. Rigid schedules often lead to frustration for parents and distress for babies. Instead, tuning in to your baby’s unique cues - their tired signs, their feeding needs, their rhythms, helps create a more peaceful, flexible flow.
Safe Bedsharing and Breastfeeding
Many mums find themselves bringing baby into bed out of sheer exhaustion. And while it’s often portrayed as dangerous, research shows that safe bedsharing, especially for breastfeeding mums, can support longer breastfeeding and less stressful nights.
The key word here is safe. Preparing your sleep space properly flat mattress, baby on their back, no pillows or loose bedding near them, and never bedsharing if you’ve smoked or consumed alcohol makes all the difference. Done thoughtfully, it can be a strategy that supports both bonding and rest.
Swaddling Myths to Rethink
Swaddling is sold as the secret to a good night’s sleep, but it’s not the magic fix it’s made out to be. Swaddling can suppress a baby’s natural feeding cues and reduce the small arousals that keep them safe during light sleep.
If swaddling works for your family, it’s important to use it mindfully making sure baby isn’t overheating, always placing them on their back, and transitioning out once they start rolling.
Practical Sleep Tips for Mums
When you’re in the thick of it, what can you actually do to get a little more rest and peace of mind?
- Match your sleep to your baby’s rhythm. The longest stretch of baby sleep usually happens at the start of the night. Try going to bed then too, so you both get the deepest rest.
- Rethink the “bad habits” narrative. Rocking, feeding, or cuddling your baby to sleep aren’t failures, they’re tools of connection.
- Stay flexible. Babies grow fast, and their sleep needs change just as quickly. What works this week may shift the next. That’s normal.
- Ask for help early. Identify your helpers before baby arrives, and make it clear you need them for chores and meals, not just cuddles. That space allows you to bond and recover.
You’re Not Alone
If your nights are messy, your baby wakes often, or you feel like you’re the only one whose newborn isn’t following “the rules” please know this: you’re not alone. Baby sleep is complex, individual, and nothing like the glossy picture painted online.
You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. By letting go of rigid expectations and leaning into what biology has always known, you can find rhythms that work for you and your baby.
Rest might not be perfect right now, but it will get easier. Until then, give yourself the same compassion you give your little one.
Looking for Support? We’re Here.
If you’re in the thick of early motherhood and craving more care practical, emotional or physical, we’d love to walk beside you.
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You don’t have to do this alone. And you were never meant to. 💛
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